Kiersten’s Blog: Smiles Build Community

How do we welcome children and youth?

by Kiersten Moore

We have vibrant children’s programs going on at that are engaging for families and should be continued in one form or another. Truth, Healing, and Reconciliation; Coming of Age; Our Whole Lives; Cosmology explorations; Spirit Play, garden time, etc., as well as peer community building among our children and youth. But what draws the most families in attendance are our special events: the ancestor shrine, pageants, wassail, everybody’s birthday, the services with children directly involved, and ritual celebrations.

The number of children who come to the children’s program on Sunday regularly has increased this year and involves 11 to 12 families, 21 children. However, we serve 50 to 60 children over the course of a year, including visitors; those who attend off and on; and members whose children do not connect with “Sunday School”. For every child who engages with our Sunday morning program, there are two for whom it doesn’t work either for them or their family as a whole. How do we serve these families?

It’s been hard to retain young people into the high school years and beyond in the absence of direct peer friendships. This is partly due to intense scheduling and many demands on teens and parents. I maintain that the absence of teens in our pews demonstrates youth do not feel connected to our services, that they haven’t found a place within adult worship or the larger congregation. Even when youth group is strong, few youths have come to worship at 11 am, even though that time was set specifically with teens in mind back in 2005, and youth group meets after lunch. How do we engage more fully with our youth and young adults?

We engage our young people best by establishing whole congregation worship from an early age. Connie Goodbread, congregational life staff of the Unitarian Universalist Association Southern Region, says, “Unitarian Universalism is all we teach. The congregation is the curriculum.”

Children learn by doing and by observing from a very young age.
If we do not include children fully within our worship services we implicitly teach them that worship in the sanctuary is not for them, at least not past the first 10 or 15 minutes. If their only place of belonging is the Religious Exploration gatherings, how can we expect them to come back after they graduate? What do they have to come back for?”

The biggest challenge to engaging children and adults in faith topics at the same time is the culture shift required to make it happen successfully. It takes work and commitment. There are many examples of UU congregations and other denominations worshipping all together that we can draw from.

Enjoying some aspects of worship more than others is tied to the person, not the age.
There are adults for whom the sermon topic makes their decision on which Sundays to attend, but it is important to acknowledge that we have adult members in our congregation who do not come for the sermon, but are fulfilled each Sunday by other aspects of worship. The sermon is not the be-all and end-all to worship.

Some children love music and singing; others the story or the chalice lighting.

Some children like silent meditation, others are bored by it—this is the same for adults. We teach how to be in the sanctuary together by modeling, by quietly answering children’s questions, and by quietly drawing their attention to the rituals and interpreting what people are saying. We teach them they are valued by accepting their child noises as they learn to be in community.

I see three areas to concentrate on improving:

There are worship design considerations.

Designing worship for multiple intelligences (language, aesthetic, interpersonal, kinesthetic, etc.) helps many people of all ages connect with the aspects of worship that speak to them the most.
We should always strive to make our sermons and whole worship accessible. When we design good worship aimed at engaging a diversity of people—even if they aren’t currently in our pews—we end up with worship for a diversity of ages, abilities, backgrounds, and personalities. We move closer to the beloved community we want to be.

There are physical space issues to address when welcoming whole families to be together in worship.

We want to make it easy and welcoming for both parents and children. This means addressing seating, pews, floor seating, and safe, inviting space for young children to wiggle.
Children will be most engaged when at the front of the sanctuary, right in with the action, where they can see more than the back of our pews and heads; where their need for some movement is accommodated.

There are expectation issues.

Many of us have a personal expectation of comfort free from distraction. This expectation comes from a place of privilege. Why is a child talking more disturbing than an adult’s cough or sneeze? They’re close to the same volume.We must develop an expectation to welcome and support children and parents.

Rabbi Menachem Creditor stated to his synagogue when concerns about child noise were raised: “A sanctuary is not a sanctuary from children. It is a sanctuary we’ve built for our children, and their children after them.” As a parent I personally find managing my toddler’s behavior in worship involves distinct levels of stress depending on whether people around us are frowning or smiling. Imagine which facial expressions put a parent at ease and which encourage them to leave. Smiles build community.

I encourage you to read more on this subject from Kim Sweeney, the author of The Death of Sunday School and the Future of Faith Formation, who has a very thorough list of resources on Whole Congregation Worship at her website: www.courageousfaithconsulting.org

Worshipping together does take work and intention, I hope we are up for the challenge!

If Sunday School isn’t for everyone … What is?

Families–Welcome! A New Program Year

Subject: Welcome! A new program year at UCV begins…

Hello Families,

Welcome to a new program year at the Unitarian Church of Vancouver! I had a very full summer, but I’m actually happy to fall back into routines this month. I hope you are all able to find moments of calm and connection amid the hustle and bustle of life. Church should be a component that feeds our spirit and strengthens connections, a place for both giving and receiving.  For that to be true, we busy families pick and choose what to be involved with and how often–we must set our priorities. I do notice that the children who attend Sunday mornings regularly are forming some truly significant friendships–thank you parents for supporting them in this community. I hope you also find connection and food for your soul.

Here are some dates and opportunities to be aware of:

Sunday Children’s Religious Education 11:15 am to 12:15 pm; Youth Group 11:15 to 12:30 pm

1st Sunday of each month: Whole Congregation Worship (all ages together in the sanctuary). In response to parent feedback, the nursery playroom will be staffed for childcare on 1st Sundays for any children that find an hour in the Sanctuary too much.

Messy Church Potluck Dinners:

1st Saturday of each month 5-8 pm–open to all ages, all family sizes. Next date is October 6th.

Winter Pageant will perform on December 23rd this year. Dress rehearsal on December 22nd.

Our Whole Lives for ages 13-15 will run this winter beginning in January–dates TBD

For adult connections you may be interested in checking out the Earth Spirit Council (hosts Earth based pagan gatherings, rituals, and events open to all-ages); or to connect with either your Neighborhood Group (all-ages inclusive)–or one of the many Small Group circles.

A note about Children’s Program Goals and Choices:

Spirit Play and Jams will be designed by monthly Themes with different developmental stages in mind, but the children are free to choose which focus area they want to join that morning.  This freedom of choice encourages them to take agency within the children’s learning community and it acknowledges that age is not always the best indicator of developmental stages, needs, and learning.

Our main goals are to create a welcoming community modeled on family structure; to foster wonder, awe, and truth seeking; model ethical action, and instill a sense of home in the larger church community. As teachers and leaders, we let the children bring their whole selves on Sunday by modeling living, leading, and teaching with our whole selves.

We now have Buttons for RE volunteers! 

Green “Children’s Program” buttons, Orange “Toddler Watch” buttons, and Yellow “Youth Adviser” buttons so we can be easily identified on Sunday morning.

The Flow of Sunday Morning:

  1. After the Story for All Ages: Children and Youth exit Sanctuary with lantern lit from the Chalice flame.
  2. Everyone gathers in Lindsey-Priestly for Reflection words and Chalice Lighting from the Lantern
  3. The lantern is passed to the Youth who carry on to Hitschmanova.
  4. Opening continues with a mindfulness practice and check-in.
  5. Jams (activity choices) and Leaders are introduced and chosen
  6. Spirit Play story or Wonder Box + games/art/play time.
    Toddler Watch
     will be connected with this stream.
  7. Two Activities designed with middle and upper elementary in mind–Spirit Jams: a Focus Activity followed by exploration of our theme in various forms–garden, games, art or craft, music, special project.

With Joy,

Kiersten E. Moore

Director of Religious Exploration, Unitarian Church of Vancouver
dre@vancouverunitarians.ca

UCV Children and Youth on Facebook
604.446.9359 (cell)

604.261.7204 x225 (UCV office)

Unitarian Advent Calendar

Traditions and Events for December

One of the creators of the Spirit Play program created a Unitarian Advent Calendar. Could we add Canadian Unitairian significant dates and people?

https://www.uua.org/offices/people/ralph-y-roberts

 

 

Most of the graphics have historical events and figures from U.S. connections. I chose these two to put here as they’re related to holidays and traditions that we celebrate at our congregation.

 

Here’s a youtube video of Malvina Reynold’s song Eight Candles.

Here’s more about Malvina Reynolds noting her Jewish background.

Resources Recommended by Harvard Square Library

Reynolds, Malvina and Emmy Lou Packard. The Malvina Reynolds SongbookBerkeley: Schroeder Music Company, 1974.

 

Here’s a song called “Quiet” by Reynolds.

Leonie Armstrong

I’ve been a full member of this congregation since 2012. Among other things, I serve on the Worship Service Committee, the OWL (Our Whole Lives Sexuality Education) Committee, co-chaired the 2016-2017 Vision Task Force with Paul Prescod, and organized the congregation’s Young Adult Welcoming and Inclusion Project group. I’m trained as a THRRC (Truth, Healing and Reconciliation) facilitator, and in Spirit Play.

Ever since I learned the word, my favourite question has been “why?” which made me both a difficult child and an inevitable Unitarian Universalist. As a UU, I’m a liberal Christian, a student of Trickster, in conversation with the Buddha, a disciple of the great Sir Terry (Pratchett), and endlessly fascinated by the intricacies of the external and internal worlds.

As a human being, I’m a bisexual, genderfluid-female, Scots-German Canadian humanist storyteller and performer with ADHD. I’m an advocate for recognizing and celebrating plurality in faith, culture, ability, age, perspective, politics, sexuality, gender identity, relationship identity and (consensual) expression, and really the whole glorious tapestry of human existence. I’m not queer, but if pressed, I will accept the sobriquet “strange and wondrous.” It seems appropriate.

Grateful reflections on three years as your Interim Minister

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another.” – Anatole France

This month of June will be my last one with you at UCV, then I will be moving on and you will prepare to receive Rev. Shawn Gauthier as your new Settled Minister.  The past 3 years feel as they have been both long and short, as many complex journeys and relationships are.  We have been through a pandemic together, weathered unexpected storms and also great healing and discovery. We have held steady relative to the wider world of religious bodies during the challenges, and this community is emerging renewed, strengthened and hopeful, even if a bit bruised in places.

I am looking back over our time together and re-reading notes I took from those many first conversations, back when we could only meet on Zoom.  I asked almost 100 people the same five questions: Who are you? What do you love about UCV? What could change here? What should I know to begin this ministry? Who should I talk to to impact change?

These conversations helped to frame the work that we have done together, and were also the beginning of some deeply meaningful relationships. We have done many things, many hard and many joyful things. It has been an honour and privilege to help UCV navigate the transitions and changes that will help give meaning and depth to people’s lives and to prepare your path forward to your next chapter.

As I move into my own time of transition after being with people in theirs, so many feelings are alive in my heart. I feel the sadness that comes with having to let go – relationships that touched my heart are coming to an end among people who honoured me by welcoming me into their lives, allowing to grieve with them their losses and to celebrate and rejoice in their blessings. We have shared our lives with one another in deeply meaningful ways. I have witnessed children growing into teens and teens into adults. I have seen incredible generosity of spirit and openness as well as impatience and fear exhibited in less healthy ways. I have seen people come and go as they are nourished and called in different ways. Through all of it, we have known that my time with you would come to an end.  An interim minister, a colleague of mine writes, is like a harbour pilot, navigating the congregation through a temporary harbour during a time of reflecting, retooling, provisioning and staffing for the next sea adventure. It is a partnership with the vessel’s crew and the harbour pilot, and their mutual success is ultimately a function of communication and trust. Things haven’t been perfect in those areas, we have had particular challenges during this transition time, and we have also done some amazing things together.

You are resilient, beautiful and deeply caring people. My hope is that you will continue to lean into your covenant with one another to break down the barriers of personal relationships and build towards a truly shared vision of the promise of this community. I hope you may let go of lingering fears and open your hearts to one another.

I will be leaving UCV grateful to have been here with you, to have had this chance to know, to love and to grow with you along this journey. I am confident that you know yourselves better, who you are, what you love about UCV, what needs to change so you can thrive, how to support your next ministry and the people who need to shape it.

As every interim minister knows, serving as a harbour pilot is a privilege, and a time will come to wish the congregation fair winds and many blessings ahead. A ship in harbour is safe – but that is not what ships were built for. Happy sailing, UCV.

Many Blessings,

Rev. Lara Cowtan

*

 

For a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,

Where your thoughts never think to wander,

This beginning has been quietly forming,

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

 

For a long time it has watched your desire,

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the gray promises that sameness whispered,

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,

Wondered would you always live like this.

 

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream,

A path of plenitude opening before you.

 

Though your destination is not yet clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is at one with your life’s desire.

 

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

– John Donohue

 

An 8th principle one year later – UCV survey updated response

UCV responses to a survey distributed by CUC to member congregations.
*REVISED 18 Nov 2022

After the UCV Denominational Affairs Committee (DAC) made its October submission for this CUC survey, the CUC extended the deadline for another three weeks – so we created a revised submission! The revised version includes more contributions from the UCV IBPOC/IPA, Environment, Ministry, and Social Justice Teams and the Denominational Affairs Committee. The revision separates inclusive actions taken in the past year from those taken in previous years. For the question on “Challenges” we decided to focus on our shared interests more than on our differences. The changes increased our overall word count from the requested 700 words to approximately 1000 words.

CUC’s Request:

CUC staff would like you to share your congregation’s or community’s experience during this past year of implementing the 8th Principle. The information you share here may be distributed to Unitarian Universalists as part of our Special Roundtable 8th Principle: 1 Year Later.

Only one submission per group/congregation, so please agree on one person to input your group’s responses. Please mind the word counts for each question. From these submissions we will ask some groups in advance to speak briefly (5 minutes) at the November 26, 2022 Roundtable on this topic.

Thank you for taking the time to share what your group/congregation has been experiencing. We appreciate it!

UCV’s revised response included input from representatives of the IBPOC and Allies, Social Justice, Environment, and Ministry Teams, (including Rev Lara Cowtan, Cindy Cashin, Elizabeth Dunn, Mei Jia Lam, Yvonne Marcus, Hisako Masaki, and Tamiko Suzuki) and from Denominational Affairs Committee members Lynn Armstrong, Mary Bennett, Leslie Kemp (Vice-Chair), Ingrid Luters, Kiersten Moore (DLFD), and Keith Wilkinson (Chair).

CUC Survey Questions:

  1. Has your congregation made a commitment to enacting/living out the 8th Principle? If not, what are some of the challenges?

UCV Response:

Yes, we have made a commitment and have 3 programming goals this year relating to the 8th Principle:

  • embodying our Covenant –
    • Terms of reference for all 22 Committees and Teams state the expectation to honour the UCV Covenant of Healthy Relations (2005)
  • enacting the 8th Principle – as noted below
  • exploring Landscapes of Aging – as noted below
  1. If your congregation has not made a commitment to the 8th Principle, can you discern if there is desire to do so? (*Unclear. We assume this was meant to read “if your congregation has not”.)
  2. Has your congregation / community begun to take action related to inclusivity? Please share.

UCV Response:

Examples from Nov 2021 – Nov 2022:

  • Bystander Intervention Training (led by the UCV IPA Team, CUC Widening the Circle Team, and UCV Truth and Reconciliation Group)
  • Repudiation of Doctrine of Discovery Forum (led by IPA Team)
  • Webpages for Truth and Reconciliation Action, IBPOC-IPA Action, and LGBTQ+ Equality
  • Social Justice Team worship services:
    • Reconciliation (Bruce McIvor and Aline Laflamme)
    • History of Sinixt peoples (Cole Harris)
  • Social Justice Team – hosted a panel on police violence due to systemic racism and bias towards those experiencing a mental health emergency; convened a discussion group on the book, Five Little Indians, which explores the experiences of residents of Indian Residential Schools; and reached out to UCV members to participate in Orange Shirt Day events in both 2021 and 2022.
  • IPA (IBPOC Plus Allies) Team formed to help IBPOC build bridges within the congregation and promote healthy race relations.
  • IPA members were delegates to the CUC AGM and did extensive outreach to UCV Teams & Committees including: Ministerial Transition Team, Ministerial Search Committee, Environment Team, Social Justice Team, UCV Women’s Group, Worship Services Team, Care & Concern Team, Mystery Pals, Youth Group, Liturgy Group, Healthy Relations Team, Elders-Intergenerational Circle, & Gardening Group.
  • IPA organized: Programs and activities to promote multicultural understanding (see #6)
  • Environment Team was committed to centering IBPOC voices in the Earth Day service: IPA produced videos about the intersectionality of environmental and racial issues.

Earlier examples:

  • Truth, Healing & Reconciliation Reflection Guides piloting
  • Joint sponsorship with Vancouver Quakers and others of solidarity events with indigenous people including: Orange Shirt days 2021 & 2022; gathering regarding revelation of unmarked graves 2021; fundraiser for Raven 2020; Building Bridges by Understanding the Village; Kairos Blanket (Offered for both UCV and wider community.)
  1. If yes, what specific type(s) of inclusivity are you focused on?

All types. We focus especially on rights of indigenous peoples through outreach and inclusion in events. We welcome members regardless of economic capacity and institute program sliding scales to reflect that. The above activities organized by the IPA Team were to help increase interaction and connection among UCV members across different cultures and racial identities.

  1. Who is involved in providing leadership? Learning? Action?.

UCV Response:

  • Children & Youth Program Coordinator
  • Director of Lifespan Faith Development
  • Environment Team
  • Genders and Sexualities Alliance
  • IBPOC Plus Allies (IPA) Team
  • Interim Minister
  • Music Director
  • Social Justice Team
  • Truth & Reconciliation Action Team
  • Worship Services Team
  1. What actions has your congregation been taking to inform and engage members?

UCV Response:

  • Lifespan Faith Development Director created a new children’s language Rainbow Principles poster including the 8th; the Tween group has been asked to put the 8th principle into their own words for kids.
  • Staff and members attended CUC Inclusivity Forums and advertised these in our eWeekly news
  • Staff and members participated in CUC sponsored Widening the Circle workshops and formed a working group
  • Lifting up of anti-racism/anti-oppression in worship services and welcoming of all types of identities
  • Website posting regarding the 8th principle one year later survey
  • Activities sponsored by the IPA:
    • Participated in: annual MMIWG march, Powell Street Festival celebrating Japanese Canadian art & culture, 360 Riot Walk (re 1907 anti-Asian riots in Vancouver), presentation for the Asian Heritage Festival, June 21 and Sept 30 Orange Shirt Day rallies
    • Organized: guided tour in Vancouver’s Chinatown, Japanese Cherry Blossom celebration, film screening of ‘Moon Over Tohoku’ & fundraiser for UCV’s Refugee Team
    • Created a video for the CUC’s Shining Lights Award & received honourable mention
    • Butterfly Project video – multilingual presentation of the UU Principles
    • Sunday service homily on theme of East meets West
  1. What specific actions has your congregation taken to address barriers to inclusion? Which barriers have you addressed? Which barriers are you planning to address?

UCV Response:

We have addressed:

Recent examples

  • Honour national and international days and months (eg Asian Heritage month)
  • Organized Bystander Intervention training program
  • Participated in CUC/UCV programs ‘Widening Circle’ and the ‘Healing Circle’
  • 8th principle translated into Chinese for pamphlets and website
  • Provided grants to indigenous students for post secondary education
  • Gender inclusive washroom signage
  • Replaced pews with chairs for varied seating arrangements
  • Created “pray area” in our sanctuary for young children and parents

Earlier examples

  • Celebrate many ethnic and religious holidays
  • Chinese language webpages, pamphlets, and signage
  • Funded external groups for inclusivity and reconciliation
  • Genders and sexualities inclusive banners at events
  • Headsets for hearing assistance
  • Hybrid worship services and meetings increase inclusivity
  • Indigenous land use recognition on website, stationery, and orally at events
  • Ramps for wheelchair access in most areas
  • Wheelchair accessible washroom improvements.
  1. How has your congregation’s / community’s actions resulted in greater inclusivity? How do you know?

UCV Response:

  • Shared social justice action includes people from different cultural, income, and age cohorts
  • Events we sponsor intentionally involve diverse participants
  • Increased number of young adults engaging in various areas of congregational life.
  • Increased inclusion and centering of voices, stories, music, and heritage of marginalized people in worship services. Visibility and acknowledgement of gender diversity within worship services have received warm acknowledgement by trans members.
  • All IPA sponsored activities and service contributions aid inclusivity.
  • Greater inclusivity is associated with increased confidence & trust: as a result, an IBPOC member has reclaimed her Chinese birth name.
  1. Describe the challenges your congregation / community has faced

UCV Response:

UCV members share a common interest in wanting to remove all barriers to inclusivity in our community. Some significant disagreements remain about the appropriateness of the approval process and the wording of the 8th principle.

  • COVID restricted fulsome face to face discussion of differing viewpoints.
  • Some of our print materials (bookmarks, pamphlets, etc.) don’t state the 8th principle.
  1. Share the successes your congregation / community has experienced

UCV response:

  • Our IPA Team has worked vigorously according to its mandate: to engage and connect with the congregation to enact the 8P – e.g., IPA retreat was well attended by congregation. (See above for other successful events)  
  • With increased staff support we offer more programs meant to include “youngerish” members and friends.
  • Young members have increasingly played major roles in designing/curating Sunday services and in providing tech support.
  • Our Genders and Sexualities Alliance ensured there was representation at every Sunday service during June and led a worship service on gender in July (Vancouver’s Pride).
  • Increased postings on UCV’s Facebook and email groups about Metro Vancouver cultural and arts events increase knowledge and awareness of other cultures.
  • We are piloting the formation of an Elder’s Circle to address meaning and spirit in aging as well as to form cross-generational connections with other peer age groups

 

End of survey.